When They Go

Losing Cilla nearly broke me. I think in part temporarily it did. A beautiful soul taken from this world far too soon. So many more adventures to have been had. So much more love to give her. So many things left unfinished.

I will never forget the first time I met Cilla. I remember the pen she was in, where she was standing in relation to me and the other dogs that she was with. She was looking at me with her soulful eyes, pleading me to take her with me.

I walked away that day thinking about her a lot. There was something special about her. For the next three months we went and walked Cilla once a week, along with some of her friends! I always knew which pen she was in before I even saw her because as soon as she heard my voice she would leap up to the top of the walled pen and hang onto the railings above. Her beautiful legs clinging on for dear life, barking like a loon. I loved her bark (although I think I was the only one)!

We would sit down on our walks and talk. I promised her I would get her out. She seemed like she knew what I was saying but leaving her there each week broke my heart.

After three months we made the decision that we could give her a home. The day I collected her I asked someone at the shelter to go and get her for me from her pen. I couldn’t bear the other dogs there see me take her and not them. I kneeled on the floor and she ran up to me and threw her front legs around me. She knew that she was coming home! I had kept that promise. Her new life was about to begin!

Cilla had her quirks. She loved cats and not in a good way. I swear to this day that she used to plot with the others on how to give us the slip and search for cats. On one walk near our home if you weren’t on it when you turned around to go back she would be off like a shot! The others always seemed to distract us at this point! Tree climbing – yep she did that too!!! I have lost count of the amount of trees I had to extract her from! She always managed to get up but never back down.

In the evenings she would sit and watch the lizards running around our living room and kept vigil in case any mice came in. Her lizards are still here. Every evening I can almost see her laying in her spot watching them. Every part of me wishing that she was.

I was unable to save her. I wasn’t able to develop superhuman powers and rid the disease from her body. I concentrated on these notions far too much and I realize now that this took precious time away from me remembering her as the beautiful girl that she was. Our loving, amazing, sensitive Cilla. If she could see me she would have been devastated. But I couldn’t help it. Every corner I turned reminded me of her and the fact that she was no longer with us. What I needed to do was focus on the fact that she was a happy dog. That fate threw us a line and got us together. What I needed to be thankful for is that we spent seven years of our lives together.

Cilla, our little trick dog! Beanz has promised to finish learning ‘Say your Prayers’ just for you! You were so awesome at that one! Our last trick that we finished together.

Your sisters miss you a lot, especially Alby. Being there for her has been hard. Processing our own grief has been difficult enough, let alone a dogs grief, but I know you would want us to make sure she was okay and that we are doing.

Run free sweet girl, until we meet again. I know you have Robbie by your side. A piece of our hearts will always belong to you. Thank you for being you and choosing us as your humans. Love you always.